Sunday, May 03, 2009

Cap'n Mike Cries "Mercy"

What's this I see in the weekend edition of the NDN? Why, it's a LTE from our favorite right-wing corporate jet pilot, Middletown's own Warren "Cap'n Mike" Caldwell! Cap'n Mike, it seems, is all hot n' bothered about Arlen Specter's switch from God's Own Party to those eeeeeevil, socialistic Democrats, as is indicated by the title the paper assigned his letter, "Specter's defection puts us at mercy of Democrats."

Cap'n Mike starts things off with a bang, demanding to know "how much?" i.e. "What was the price you commanded from the Democrats, and how much were they willing to pay for your defection, Mr. Specter?" It would be awful to suggest that Cap'n Mike expects the answer to be "Thirty pieces of silver, just like that other dirty Jew," so I'm not going to suggest it. Instead, I will simply note that despite rumors that Pennsylvania Democratic boss Ed Rendell would be pulling strings to let Specter run unopposed in the Democratic primary, Specter said on Meet the Press this morning that he was offered no incentives from Democrats to switch parties, and that he did expect to face a Democratic primary challenge next year.

But the meat of Cap'n Mike's rant is his fretting that with Specter joining the Dems, America is "on the verge of one-party rule at the hands of the most radical, leftist collection of liberal Democratic socialists ever to walk the halls of Congress." Well, I'd like to reassure Cap'n Mike that he's wrong, that the party of Ben Nelson, Tom Carper, and Evan Bayh is nowhere near as radical as, for example, the party that passed all those New Deal programs back in the 1930s.

I'd like to do that, but I can't.

The plain fact of the matter is, Cap'n Mike is right. Nelson, Carper, Bayh, Steny Hoyer, Dianne Feinstein, Joe Lieberman, and all those other alleged moderates were just putting on an act. Speaking as someone on the secret ACORN payroll who was personally responsible for recruiting hundreds of thousands of illegal aliens to flood North Carolina and Virginia with fraudulent votes, I have to admit that Cap'n Mike is right on the money.

I happen to know that President Obama is planning to appoint none other than ex-Weatherman Bill Ayers to the newly-created position of Secretary for the Department of Rounding Up and Liquidation of Class Enemies. Secretary Ayers will also be responsible for nationalizing all industries and outlawing private property. The President himself will openly admit to being a Muslim and will suspend the Constitution in favor of Sharia Law. Representative Barney Frank will be crafting legislation that will not only make gay marriage mandatory, but will outlaw heterosexuality itself! All women will be required to undergo in-vitro fertilization just so that the resulting babies can be aborted and harvested for stem cells. Oh, and say hello to the newest member of the U.S. Supreme Court: Jane Fonda!

Finally, I'd like to assure Cap'n Mike that he hasn't been forgotten. As a major figure in the Vast Islamohomosocialist Conspiracy, I'll be personally seeing to it that Cap'n Mike is gay married to the secret leader of the Democratic Party himself, Osama bin Laden. Enjoy your honeymoon, Cap'n Mike!

UPDATE: Whoa! Great minds think alike! Hello, Eileen, nice post!
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