Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Official Notification of Craziness

To the editors of the Newport Daily News,

As a regular publisher of the cartoons of Mr. Robert Ariail, formerly of the Charleston, S.C. The State, you are being notified that Mr. Ariail's use of the word "socialism" to describe President Obama's economic policies (see cartoon published your paper 15 April 2009) entitles him to receive official designation as a Crazy Right-Winger(TM).

As an officially designated Crazy Right-Winger(TM), Mr. Ariail is entitled to the following benefits: 1) unpaid fellowship with the Heritage Foundation; 2) fortnightly guest appearance on the Fox News Channel show of his choice; and 3) hosting rights to a FNC Tea Party(TM) in any American city with a population of one million or less.

In future, we would appreciate it if you could indicate Mr. Ariail's status as an officially designated Crazy Right-Winger(TM) when publishing his work in your newspaper.

Yours truly,

Thomas Kalinowski
Director of Public Relations
National Center for the Investigation of Craziness
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